Blogbites: Do you know how to support someone when they are upset?

Do you know how to support someone when they are upset?

Sometimes we say things to stop someone crying, thinking that if the stop crying they will feel better.

In therapy I often sit with clients when they are upset, encouraging them to feel their sadness. Often years of tears have built up, resulting in depression, anxiety and often suicidal thoughts. Therapy is about supporting and being with a client when they sit with their emotions.

In everyday life we can do some things to support our friends and family when they feel sad too. Below are some things you could say, to let them know you want to help them feel better but also, that you are OK to sit with someone if they are sad.

This visual from The Gottman Institute provides a number of things that can be useful to use when you are with someone who is upset. Emotional intelligence is an important part of emotional education. Helping children learn that it is ok to experience negative emotions as well as positive emotions is important for their emotional development. In adulthood, we can show adults and children that their emotions are important by using phrases  such as the ones above.

Do you have phrases that you have found helpful? What would you like someone to say to you when you are upset?