Part 3: Low Self Esteem. Rules & Assumptions

In part 1 we looked at what low self esteem can look like. In part 2 we looked at how low self esteem is developed through early experiences and experiences later in life. In this section we will continue to look at how low self esteem is developed and understand this from a psychological perspective.

In part two I discussed early experiences and how these may influence our low self esteem, many people wonder why experiences that happen at a young age continue to affect us in later life. We may continue to hear a voice in our minds with thoughts about our self similar to those we experiences as a child. We do this due to negative core beliefs. These are beliefs about ourselves that we have come to when we are children or teens and they generally develop from negative experiences.

As a child we are often unable to make sense of negative experiences and therefore it is common for individuals to internalise these beliefs about themselves. The negative core beliefs we develop are usually deep seated and strong beliefs. They are evaluations of ourselves and who we are as people

Examples of negative core beliefs include ‘I am stupid’ or ‘I am not important’

When we have strong negative statements it is not surprising that we can experience strong negative emotions. To ensure our survival and to keep on functioning, we begin to develop assumptions, rules, and guidelines for how we live our lives that help protect our self-esteem. They aim to guard and defend us from the truth of our negative core beliefs. For example in response to the negative core beliefs mentioned above we may develop rules such as  “I must be the best at everything” or “If I ask for something I need, I will be put down.”

These rules and assumptions guide our behaviour, depending on the rules individuals will adapt their behaviour to meet these rules and assumptions.  For example if you have the rule ‘I must be the best at everything’ you may become very careful about your work, checking it repeatedly to ensure it is correct. By doing this you ensure that your work is less likely to be criticised and thus your self esteem is protected.

So how does this relate to low self esteem?

While you may feel good about yourself when you are meeting these rules and live up to the standards you have. Problems may arise when you are unable to live up to these rules and assumptions. When this happens you may experience the negative core beliefs again. Based on this, the behaviours an individual engages in can be seen to be unhelpful because they work to maintain the negative core belief and while you were able to live up to the rules and assumptions the low self esteem lies dormant.